just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
