Define "chronic" masturbator.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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