Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't think brook has ever known best
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
