Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
