he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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