I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
