His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
