He is such a slut. More and more my type.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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