You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
