So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
