We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
is that a dick in a sweater?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
