Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude i'm inner monologue high
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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