So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
