Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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