im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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