best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
