Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
