im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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