I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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