I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
