he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
