I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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