Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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