you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
