ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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