i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
