a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
