He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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