So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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