I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
