i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
