can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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