My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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