You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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