Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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