Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If I die, sorry about rent.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
