Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
