My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
