We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
