i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
