You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
