It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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