my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My balls are so social today.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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