you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
