my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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