My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
