suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
