phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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