Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
