No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
