sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
