I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
